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More then ten years have passed since we first met, and so many miles lie between you and the place of that meeting. I find it strange to think come next February you will be thirty one if I'm not mistaken. I find myself fascinated by the fact that the girl I knew who meant so much to me has changed into a woman I know nothing about. That this person has affected so much of my life but knows almost nothing about who I am now. I wonder what she would think of me or more importantly how she helped shaped me. Would she recognize the fact that the cold, distant angry lonely boy I was could never have become the man I am with out her. Because of her I became someone others warm, reliable, trustworthy and kind. Would I have played the role of confidant, benefactor, rescuer, and friend to so many if she had not broken down my defenses? I certainly would never have learned, you must love recklessly or you might as well not love at all, with out her influence.
As I think about this woman I can't help but think about the times I spent with the girl she used to be and the times we shared. I will never forget how out of the blue a strange and amazing girl stumbled upon me and saw how lonely I was when even I did not, how with out any hesitation or invitation she reached out to me. I find myself remembering different moments like standing outside Ron and Alicia's apartment for hours in the cold because we were not done talking with each other, laughing till our sides hurt with each other and some times at each other, sitting on her bed telling each others stories and dreams, how irritated she was when the boot that gave her an inch and a half in height did not make her taller than me, how rarely she wore a dress yet how well she wore them when she did, how some one so unassuming could contain such tremendous road rage, of sitting together on a huge rock near her home and watching the stars on a crystal clear night. I will always remember her brilliant smile, how she would laugh so hard she would snort, how easily she blushed, the way no matter how foul my mood or rotten my day she could make it all turn around with a joke or some random comment, how her eyes caught the light when she laughed or smiled, and how those same eyes where a brilliant combination of blue and grey. With these memories come the regrets like how I kept her at arms reach when all I really wanted was to draw her close, how my pride chaffed me because it prevented me from joining her silly goofy antics, what I regret most was waiting so long to tell her how I felt or maybe it's telling her at all, I will never no which drove her away. I will always care for her as a friend and a woman and expect nothing in return with all of the heart she broke.
I'm writing this to you because I will most likely never cross your path again but all these things have weighed on my mind these days. I will most likely never be able to say these things to you or learn about who you have become. So I write this to exorcise these feeling more then anything knowing the chances you will read this are laughable. As I cast this message in a bottle adrift on this digital sea I need to say no one has ever moved me so quickly, cut me so deeply or inspired me so profoundly as you. I refuse to think of you as being anything but well, hope with all my heart you are happy, and fear more than anything you have forgotten me.
Singed N to L, my lost friend, fondest regret, and beloved stranger.
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