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I doubt you still care
Its been awhile. I dont think that you even think about me anymore. We were best friends, then dated, then everything blew up. I dont know what I did, maybe you didn't really love me, maybe I pushed you to do things you didnt want to do. Or maybe worse of all, you dont trust me. ive tried to reconnect with you, but i fear you hate me.
I think you always thought I was safe. I get that. When people think of me, they dont usually think of dangerous. They think, fat, funny great smile. When people look at you, they see beauty. Whether you are singing or playing guitar, you have a personality that draws people to you. I love that about you. Its what drew me to you in middle school.
I guess here is where I am: I am a mess. I have nothing going for me. You have graduated and have a job in the field you went to school for. I am so proud of you. I live by myself, i dont even live in indiana anymore, I have messed up so many things and God knows there is nothing even close to perfect about me. But I love you. I always have. I have been looking for a woman like you and I havent found anyone because you are the woman for me. I left after we graduated high school. I betrayed your trust. I dont even know if you know I exist anymore. I miss the way you laugh when you cant control it. I miss the way your brown hair came across your face. I miss how we used to talk about anything. I miss how much you loved me. I miss the way you drink coffee. I miss the way you smell. I miss the birthday notes/letters. I miss the way you always pushed me to be more than myself. I miss you so much
You will probably never see this, and even if you do, how could you know it was me? would you even tell me you saw it? I love you, and I miss you.
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Sometimes I wonder if you read these missed connections. I wonder if you look in your city for another message from me. I wonder if you ever look for me in the missed connections of this city. I wonder if you really are a monster or if you were just that of having something more with me. I wonder if you ever think of me, if you miss our conversations or the unadulterated madness we stirred up in one another. We both made mistakes. We both moved on. I would love to hear your voice, just to know if you're doing ok. I know you'll probably never see this, and, even if you do, there's probably so many reasons you'll just remain silent. Even so, I told you my feelings for you would remain unchanged and they have.
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