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Okay, now that I have your attention (I knew your curiosity would get the best of you - you're female - duh!) You're probably asking yourself, "Yeah, but what the hell kind of subject line is that, you freak!" (you say freak like it's a bad thing, c'mon, we both know better) Let's get to the part where I tell you what I am looking for and what I'm not looking for (the point of all these ads of course, outside the pounds, so I'm plenty flexible in that regard. Like I said .. it's not the number alone (that's going to be appealing or unappealing to me), it's about the proportions and how it's all put together. A great face makes up for a hell of a lot (read: many bonus points), I'll just say that. I don't mean under pounds of troweled-on makeup, either, just to be clear. I realize you won't look the same (in most cases) " later" - but I'm actually really just looking for a one-on-one relationship to begin with .. not one-on- . 5) Are you nodding off, now, or do I still have your attention (tl;dr)? Okay good .. still with me. It would be preferable if you were gainfully employed outside of a support payment check. If you have 3 by 3 different fathers we probably aren't gonna be a good match and there is a good chance you are either: a) bi-polar b) mentally ill c) a slut d) all of the above plus 2 (above). Hey, I'm not judging - suck all the strange dick you want - it just won't be mine. Thanks. 6) Pets. How can I put this most succinctly? Two words. F**k pets. I think that about sums it up. Direct your hate letters to: WhatdoyoumeanexactlythateverythingIowniscoveredinpethair at youcanstopreadinghereifthatsoundsfamiliar d.o.t c.0.m We won't even get into your "you can't even tell I own pets, seriously. There's no litter box/piss/crap/"dog box" smell at all. You'd never even know, walking in the door.") Trust me . yes, I can tell. much instantly. I am looking for: 7) Have a decent sense of humor, yourself, and hopefully appreciate a sarcastic one (my ad so far hasn't been sarcastic at all up to this point) - so if you've gritted your before now or cussed under your breath about items 1-6 . I'm gonna guess we aren't gonna be a match. Just a hunch. A really, really big hunch. 8) Intelligent. This one is self-explanatory. You don't need to be an actual member of mensa or anything - but you should know the difference between there/their/they're and loser/looser . at minimum. 9) Curiosity. Women love mystery. It's a documented fact. That's why I'm telling you about what I'm seeking, not all about myself and how I am God's gift to women. In some ways I am (one in particular), but in most ways I'm not. You'll probably never find out which, either, but that will be some other woman's gain, not your loss (you can't "miss" what you've never experienced to begin with, after all). 10) Let me think . oh yeah . you should ideally be 39-49 years of age (there's a little leeway to the top end of that, but not much to the bottom end) and be an optimist in your general world-view and in general. Just so I know you are real and actually (if you didn't , anyway) read this entire ad, please change your subject reply line to . I can't believe I read it all .. then there will be a little easier way of me telling (hopefully) the genuine responses from the phony ones. Thanks for reading, if you made it this far (and that's just the tip of the iceberg).
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