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Who would have ever guessed that losing an illicit lover would be so much more horrible than never having one at all.
This kinda sucks.
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Do you enjoy the finer things in life? Is your idea of a good time an expensive bottle of wine and a meaningful conversation at a nice restaurant? Do you have dreams of a princess wedding, perfect children, and a compassionate, caring husband?
Then you've clicked on the wrong ad, missy.
Chivalry might not be dead, but it's comatose and the fairer sex is pulling out its feeding tube. I'm telling you, Terry Schiavo had better odds. It's an all out gender war and the only winners are the purulent purveyors of conflict and insecurity: The media. And maybe the makeup companies.
Paying for dinner: patronizing patriarchy or gentlemanly gesture? The mere act of holding a door open for a modern, empowered woman could be construed as an aggressive act of sexual harassment, but not doing so could as easily leave one labeled a ous lout. What is a man to do while constantly bombarded by such mixed messages?
In the face of all this uncertainty, I've decided to take my balls and go home. These are my utterly arbitrary conditions:
Wine and dine me. You're paying.
Doors? Fucking out. We run across one, I will either remove it from its hinges or shatter it with a chair. I anticipate increased electricity costs due to an open-air house.
At our wedding, we will both wear costumes based on our favorite breakfast pastries. At the conclusion of our ceremony, I will eat you in front of our guests.
Our children will have their genitals removed or sewn shut at birth, and will be given androgynous names more suited to bands. Good, strong names like "China-Made Potato Organ," or "Shamefister."
I can't promise these will be my only conditions. I can't even promise you'll make it out of our first date alive. What I can promise is if you don't, you won't care what happens afterwards.
And in the end, isn't that all that matters?
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I want to find ONE sexy woman, who hasn't had a good orgasm or has never squirted to make her cum like never before. For the right woman, at some point after we are comfortable with each other, we will go toy shopping together. Once we have picked out all the right toys (which may take more than one attempt) and experiment until you scream at the top of your lungs. I jave great things about a pussy pump, so I'm eager to try that also. I will happily use my tongue, lips and fingers for the right sexy, clean woman also. My record thus far is making a woman cum 7 times in a row, without toy's, do you think we can do any better?? If you have read so far, please pay attention to what I am looking for Be attractive, in athletic to curvy shape, CLEAN (ddf), shaved/waxed, be open-minded, preferably be able to host, be real and serious. I am very busy so I do not have time for time wasters, verification links, ect. If you want me to take your response seriously, write "I want to cum" in the subject line, include pictures, location and the best e-mail or number where I can contact you Me: I am 35, wiry, medium skin , handsome, very clean and I every 2 days. I am sane, normal, polite, sweet, charming, gentleman on the surface with a very naughty side.
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